Monday, May 25, 2009

Suburbia or Urbania?

There are 2 sides of me and they often compete for attention and priority in my life. I often suspect that they also often contribute to a sort of schizophrenic disjunct in my life and leave my friends somewhat confused about what I really want. On the other hand, this schism also explains my inability to make decisions easily and without angst. It takes me a long time to decide what is best because I don't know which side I want more. It's not about not wanting things, it's about not knowing which I want more. Cause I can say no quickly enough to what I know I don't want in life.

Case in point: Part of me wants the Victorian house with the backyard by the water and the other part of me wants the loft in the city with rooftop garden (see photo). Of course my loft would have to have some walls but overall, I love the idea of a funky open concept space with a wild rooftop garden. Now I also know that there is a divide between what is ideal and what is practical, and perhaps that loft might seem great in theory but I might not like it as much when I actually have to live in it. Particularly since I'm more of a cozy aesthetic person than a minimalist decorator.

Of course, what this all boils down to is the fact that the boy and I have been talking about house hunting and buying next year, leaving the city and the condo behind in order to have more space and actually less of a commute for me, which all freaks me out a bit. I mean, I never wanted to live in the surrounding area of Montreal. It's always been Montreal or Vancouver for me, so how the hell does Laval or Longueuil play into my sense of identity? I really don't want to wake up one morning, living in surburbia, wondering how the hell I sold out my little artistic soul and started living the life that I dread so much. Because life sort of just happens that way, and I really don't want to let that happen to me. So what does this girl do: convinces the boy to rearrange the condo in an attempt to make more storage space, thereby creating a more versatile living space in order to hold the "I need to move" feelings at bay for just a little bit longer. So off to Ikea we go to buy a new Billy bookshelf and baskets for our newly relocated Expedit bookshelf. I think it'll work out well once we get everything sorted and I'm excited about revamping the space a bit but I don't think it's going to prevent the desire to move next summer....

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