Tuesday, August 18, 2009

rollercoaster emotions

From 2009-08-16 Crafting

Photo from Paul's 33rd birthday...

While the world goes mad about Mad Men and soon to be declared east coast heat wave of 2009, I am quietly enjoying the dog days of summer, finalizing wedding details, and squeezing in as much swimming as I can before there weather gets cold again.

I noticed the other day, after scrolling over my recent posts, that I've been talking less about my life and thoughts lately and re-posting links quite a bit. Normally I'd say that this is due to my life being pretty quiet lately, but that's not really the case. I think I've just been so busy with everything that I haven't had time to really sit down and process anything long enough to have something worthwhile to write about in the past month. I'm not really sure if this is due to wedding planning, the heat, or just the frame of mind that I'm in. I suppose it's probably all three.

I'm trying desperately to not turn into a bridezilla but my emotions are just all over the place these days and so I can't tell if I am having moments of emotional instability or becoming a bridal monster. I'm really not joking or being overly dramatic in that statement, I swear. One moment I am filled with Pollyanna like enthusiasm and squishiness and the next I'm ready to bite someones head off. The last few weeks have found me feeling very short tempered and put out by the things that I normally might bitch about and then shrug my shoulders at. Is this a normal wedding experience? Or is it due to the fact that I just feel pulled in every which way possible and stretched too thin? School is about to start so everything at work is amping up, my car needed expensive repairs that I couldn't really afford, and we're trying to finalize the last details/logistics but having to wait for everyone to get back to us (I'm not a patient person at the best of times, so be forewarned if you're on that list of people we're waiting to hear from ...... hell hath no temper like Marya, stressed out and in limbo mode!).

Mostly I think, I just wish the day were here already so that we could move on to other things in our life. Everything is waiting on the wedding being done and I think it'll just be a relief to have the ceremony over and be able to actually enjoy the time we'll have with our loved ones. When I think about all the people coming and sharing the day with us, I just constantly feel filled with awe and happiness. And like a kid waiting for Christmas, just wish the day were here already so I can enjoy it instead of worrying about sorting out our flowers and readings.

Even within this post I've done a 180. I'm just feeling a little manic lately, so please bear with me and forgive me my emotional eccentricities at the moment. I promise that I will soon return to a calmer state of mind, post wedding.

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