Monday, November 8, 2010

meditations on fall hibernations


I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s fall and things are starting to get colder, but I’ve been feeling very introspective lately. Hell, correction. I know it’s because it’s fall. This is a yearly ritual for me. I start getting colder and so I start turning inwards.

I don’t go out as much, I bundle up and read more. I watch more movies. The big difference is that this year, I’m doing a lot more crafting than I used to do while watching said movies. From origami stars (I’ve folded WAY too many of them now) to crocheting

In between all of this hibernation, I’ve taken up meditating. I’ve meant to do this for years, but now I’m actually doing it EVERY morning. Craziness. But here’s the thing… you’d think that all this meditation would make me more Zen, but it’s not. Not at all!

My only hope is that, with more time, my Zen-like self will emerge (and that my cat will learn that I’m not her personal jungle gym while doing said meditation).

It’s funny… in an amongst all this meditation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m far too scattered and need to narrow down my focus on to one or five goals. I’ve purged my google reader down so that I’m not overwhelmed by a list of things to do and try anymore (you know, so that that craft list isn’t so large that I never actually do anything). I’ve started blogging less, which is ironic because I’m actually full of thoughts right now but lack the desire to carve out the time to finesse my ideas into sentences that make sense!

All my meditations have lead me to the conclusion that I need to stand back and re-assess what my goals are for this space, for crafting, for what I want to do about having an etsy business vs in person craft fairs. Because for all that blogland tends to represent the crafting world in a positive light full of productivity and creation, I just don’t have enough hours in the day to get it all done.

And I’m ok with that. But in the meantime, I need to figure out what projects I do want to complete and which I don’t. Which are investments that reward me and that pay off (literally and spiritually). I’m not a niche artisan, nor do I want to be, but I do recognize that if I want to grow a crafty business, I need to focus my energies a bit more in order to create a business that prospers. But at this point, as I enter hibernation mode, I find myself wondering if this is really what I want anymore. Do I want to have a handmade business or do I just want to craft for the sake of crafting? Am I selling items in order to justify my crafting expenses, or am I doing it so that I can share the ideas? What motivates me when it comes to art?

I’m not sure that I know the answers to these questions right now. I guess it’s back to the meditation mat for me.

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