Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Project Life: more of September

Week Two in September:

The big news story this week was the announced Quebec Charter of Values. Don't even get me started on it. I think it's an attempt by the PQ to divert the conversation with the old Quebec cultural identity rhetoric in lieu of dealing with the real issues the province is facing right now, ie the crumbling infrastructure (medical, roads, corruption, education). And while I do think it's nice to have religious neutrality in the work place, I think legislating it is a big no no, especially under the auspices of promoting values like gender equality. Not all women wearing hijabs are oppressed and if you're going after the hijabs you should be going after the Jewish Orthodox wigs then. And taking down the cross in parliament. And banning overly provocative or conservative clothing because let's face it, there's a lot to be said about "equality" and clothing choices and our reactions to them. And then we all need to start asking ourselves what every other symbol and clothing choice reflects about equality in our society. 

It's a dangerous slope and I'm not willing to go there as a country. It smacks of hypocrisy and zenophobia and is distractionary politics.

But beyond the politics it was a busy week full of visits and activity. 

Week Three:

More of quiet week after the week before. I think we needed it, especially since Liam got his vaccinations. I am torn by the idea of vaccinating an infant at such a young age but honestly too tired to do the research and thinking needed to make a more informed decision. Ok, that sounds really bad on my part but rest assured I do know a fair bit about the issue going in, I just didn't have it in me to delve into it again. I opted to do them because I want to travel with Liam and it's in his best interest to have his shots if that comes to pass.

We met up with some ladies that we met online (I blurred out the baby faces to respect their privacy). It was nice to check in, in person, with Mamas with kids the same age. The biggest things that I have taken away from them and every other Mama that I've met is that this shit is hard, Mama-hood can be very isolating, and that you should never judge another Mama because she's just trying to do her best. You don't know what she's dealing with or how hard her day has been or how difficult her child is.

Honestly, becoming a mother might be the hardest thing I've done in my life to date. It trumps dealing with Daddy baggage, being an incredibly broke student, waking up nights with panic attacks over paying back my student loans, traveling to India by myself, planning a mixed faith/cultures wedding, writing a thesis.... hell, anything! Some days will bring out the best in you and others the worst but usually you'll cycle through it all in a day. The highs and lows are just that much harder when you feel alone most of the day. I am incredibly blessed to have a husband who supports me, but even then it's not easy (for either of us). I have yet to break down and cry but honestly there are days that I have come incredibly close to it. In fact, after a rather rough yoga course this week, I almost burst into tears as I was packing up because Liam was just being so colicky that day. It can just be so exhausting to deal with some days.

So when I meet other Mamas (in person and online) going through the same journey and struggling with the same life changes it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone and that others feel the same way. It's part of the process. And it does get better. Not always in the ways you expect, but it does.

And there is something incredibly rewarding about watching your little one laugh and smile or mark major milestones in his life. Watching a baby grow, especially one you're raising, is not only fascinating but awe inspiring.

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