food for thought on racism, anti-semitism, and anti-Muslim sentiment

I'm in a more pensive mood lately. Maybe it's in the air... maybe it's astrology, maybe it's converging Hindu, Muslim, and Jewish holidays. I don't know, but I'm a thinking a lot lately...

And this post is right up my alley today. I couldn't agree more with how scary the rise of anti-Islam/Muslim sentiment is becoming in the world. And while I never made the link myself to anti-Semitism and the Holocaust, and the scary places that leads to, I believe she's right in drawing the link and that's a very very terrifying thought.

etsy feature

Just a quick post to share that yours truly was featured in a lovely treasury of one of a kind artwork!

wordle fun

Apparently, according to wordle, these are the words I use most often on my blog. Some are no surprise, but some…. are unexpected….

what blogging means to me

I was reading the latest instalment of Somerset Life and there are a bunch of articles in it about blogging and what it means to the writers. As I read their comments, I was struck by the profound significance that blogging has had in my life over the past years.

I didn’t start this blog with the intention of it ever being a craft blog. In fact, truth be told, my very first post, way back when in 2005, on livejournal, was about venturing into the world of online dating, post break, as a means to move on from a broken heart. The entire start was really meant to document the (mis)adventures I had in the dating world. After reading the magazine, I went back and reread those posts (they’re private, you won’t find them on the old blog).

Then I morphed into constantly talking about my graduate thesis. (I wrote about sonnets from India, btw, you know, in case you were curious). Aw thesis woes… how I don’t miss you!

Next up: weddings

When I moved this blog over to blogger, I initially started writing about social issues, weddings, and green/vegetarian living.

So I’m not exactly sure how I ended up here, writing about craft all the time. But I’ve gone from blogging for family and friends, to blogging for myself, to blogging for select friends, to blogging to a larger community, very slowly over 5 years.

Some blogs explode in less than a year. Mine has never exploded, and yet, in recent months, there has been a marked upswing in comments, views, and readers. Perhaps it’s because I’ve found my niche? Perhaps my social issue rants just didn’t appeal? Gee I wonder why?

Anyways, as I started to experience this upswing, I’ve also started to feel very differently about blogging. I’m starting to make connections more, and as I come out of my shell and comment on others’ blogs, I find myself engaging in a dialogue online with others. And it’s been fantastic. I dig it. This September will mark 5 years in blogging for me) and I can’t help but be excited about where blogging has begun to take me, and love the archive of my life that I’ve created to look back on over the years. I really have learned a lot, commemorated so many moments, learned so much, and met amazing people, all from blogging.

Here’s to another 5 years!

paper and paint

 

 
For years I have been immersed in the world of words.  My bookworm soul dominated my being with its love of literature and took over my life to such an extent that I forgot that I once upon a time, I was a lover of all arts. Don’t get me wrong, I love books and always will. One day, I would like to see my name in print, author of the novels that are floating about in my cranium. But the thing is, life in academia had taken over my entire world—I work in education, I read all of the time, I love theory (hello, just call me a theory junkie), and think that there are few nobler professions than education (don’t give me any of that “those who can’t, teach” b.s.). But academia took over my world to the point that I felt dull and tired, uninspired and without anything new to offer. For all that theory and ideas, books and art inspire me to think up new ideas, plan new activities, or dream bigger dreams; they don’t lead me to action. So despite all of my great learning and ideas, I feel like I lost my spark somewhere in the midst of my beloved bookshelves.

 

Here’s the thing: I only recently came to a rather profound self-realization. I need creativity in my life, every day, in whatever way.  I need to create, whether it’s bad or good, in order to feel fulfilled, in order to feel capable of realizing my dreams and better self.  Oh sure, I knew that I needed balance before and all that, but I didn’t realize to what extent my lack of creativity was stifling my entire being until I fully re-immersed myself into the world of being crafty.
  

 

 

So my newfound love of scrapbooking is spilling over into other areas of my life… Now I’m trying art journaling too.

It’s fun! I like it. Of course, I’m no artist (in that I can’t really draw or at least, it’s not a skill I’ve maintained or developed… I used to be able to draw as a kid – so maybe the skill is in there somewhere… latent but there…).

 

Anyways, what this all boils down to is that if lately you’ve noticed that I’m not around much I’m either packing (we move this Saturday) or playing with paper and paint!

in search of creative, crafty culture…

 

Lately, I have to admit, that I’ve been feeling somewhat distant from my good friends. There’s no one particular reason for this, nothing has happened to cause this distance, but I feel it nonetheless.

 

I love my friends. I do. I’ve been blessed in life to have several amazing ladies in my life, new and old, who have traveled down my various paths with me. But right now I sort of feel like I’m on the path alone. That most of my friends and I are in very different places.

 

I don’t have children, nor am I single. We’re not ready for children and I don’t fit into the baby club. I have a career and am no longer a student, I’m not really interested in clubbing anymore, nor do I want to watch my friends pick up (not that I ever did really, to be honest… though I loved dancing). But the point is, I’m not looking for love or validation or a one night stand.  Most of the time I would rather stay home and do crafts or have a small dinner party with drinks and board games. I have Nia 2x a week and would like to get back into yoga. I’m enjoying living a life that nurtures me and my awakening creativity.

 

And that’s the crux of it really. Because I don’t feel like I’m looking for all those other things anymore (work, love, home, etc), I feel like my focus has started to turn inwards and that I’m once again working on the things that I always wanted in life: creativity, spirituality, balance. And as much as I love my friends, I’m starting to realize that most of them aren’t currently searching for those things…. not that they don’t care about those things, but that they are busy working on other things. So I don’t feel like I have much to say anymore because on the surface I suspect my life looks pretty mundane and boring but yet, I feel like I’m rediscovering the artist within me. And I love that feeling. I love who and what it is revealing about me.

 

So when I talk to my friends, well I fill the space with the various updates, I’m fine, Paul’s fine, my brother is fine. Or vents, I’m not sure if my job is long term, Paul’s family (in-laws), my brother still isn’t working…  But the thing is, at the end of the day, all of the surface things that are happening aren’t really what I want to be talking about.

 

I want to talk about what it means to be creating a book of memories, journaling a history for that child I may have one day in the not so distant future, what new skills I’m learning, what I want to do with them and the visions I have for my new craft room and home, how can I take art journaling off the page and bring it into my home and can I build something more out of it? Do I need to take art and sell it or can I find a balance between creating and storing/using said items? I want to think about artistic retreats and down time to write out a draft of the story(ies) in my head. I want to talk about how Nia started out as exercise but is slowly transforming into something more.

 

But those aren’t really stories I can share with my nearest and dearest because they’re not the stories they are interested in right now. Oh, they’d listen, but they wouldn’t really have anything to offer back and what I’m craving most right now is a dialogue about those things, not partying or poop….

the joy of the scheduled post

Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed by how prolific some those blogland writers out there are. I mean, really... when do they find time? I have a cushy office job that's pretty quiet when there are no students and even I don't have time for that kind of writing.

I mean, really, where do these people get the energy?

Bet you're all smirking now aren't you... I write a lot... I know.

But here's the secret: Scheduled Posting! That's right. As I write this it is Friday, but you won't see it until Monday. There's no way that I could write a post every day this month without it.

NaBloPoMo and the ever infamous DicLit

Signing up for a month of strangeness and oddities via NaBloPoMo. I think I'm partially attracting to the endeavor because of the shortened term which gives it a pseudo academic feel...

You know...

PoMo: Post Modern Literature
PoCo: Post Colonial Literature


Hell, there's even the ever infamous DicLit: Dictatorship Literature not to be confused with DicLit: Writing intended for male audiences. I'm still not sure which genre amuses me more. Probably dictator literature because well, let's face it... the humour behind the title is just too much to not appreciate! Cause come one... romance novels by Saddam Hussein? Who doesn't find just a little bit of amusement in that?

So what, ask you, does the picture have do with any of this really?

Well how about this a try: it's a month of all me in all of my oddities... (Have I mentioned that the theme is Strange(R))? So the photo justification is thus: the mirror is turned inward as I reflect upon (pun intended) my own and the universes little eccentricities (with a few deviations and tangents to boot).

No, that doesn't fly?

Ok... what about seeing it as an homage to the strangeness that has been 4 years in the making? The life and times of Marya and Paul: 4 years today.

internet addiction and burnout in crafty blogland

It’s official, our condo goes up for sale sometime late next week and I am now in the midst of packing up my library and household culture in order to make our condo more “zen” like for sale. Oh, and did I mention that my brother arrives on Tues? Yeah.. things chez moi are a wee bit hectic. And yet in the midst of it all… there’s still blogging to be done!

But that’s not what I really want to write about.

I’ve been thinking about lately is web burnout. Everything on the web seems to cycle and there seems to be a flow of synchronicity that is sometimes a bit too perfect to be a coincidence. (This is where I reveal just how many blogs/sites I read… it’s not pretty my friends, it’s not pretty). From Crafypod, there’s the podcast on downsizing on Etsy (which only recently game to my attention), to Superhero Journal where she announces that she’s taking a much needed break, to Boho Photography where she talks about how much time she spends plugged in and the need to fill the void now that she temporarily has no internet at home, to Gwen Bell reducing the amount of time she spends on her email.

Anyways, what I’m wondering is: Is the universe trying to send me a sign? Because right now, there’s a lot of web traffic in my world that is reminded me how addictive the internet can be. I know that when I was dealing with trying to promote my etsy shop, I was feeling overwhelmed by the need to be present online. I was trying to juggle marketing a “brand” before I even really had a brand to market. And all the web work was drawing me away from actually sitting down and focusing on the product/crafts.
Obviously there is an ideal out there about being able to craft from home and sell online and create a lucrative business, but the reality of it is far different than the dream. And some of what is written about this ideal is quite thought provoking, for example:

I think for many women the site [etsy] holds out the hope of successfully combining meaningful work with motherhood in a way that more high-powered careers in the law, business, or sciences seldom allow. In other words, what Etsy is really peddling isn’t only handicrafts, but also the feminist promise that you can have a family and create hip arts and crafts from home during flexible, reasonable hours while still having a respectable, fulfilling, and remunerative career. The problem is that on Etsy, as in much of life, the promise is a fantasy. (source)

However, the amount of effort it takes to create an online presence for your goods can be quite substantial and even daunting. It isn’t enough to stick to a “build it and they will come” motto. Because with thousands doing the same thing and the web’s 2 click culture (apparently the ideal amount of clicks users will travel for info before becoming frustrated with a site), it isn’t enough to just build something without working to promote it.

And in that building/promotion, there is a trap. Because as you start to work on creating your own web presence, you need to start paying attention to others, networking, forging links, getting out there by being present on other sites. And then bam… you’re addicted and reading far too many sites for your own good. What started out as a simple way to sell some of the crafts/arts you love suddenly turns into a job with undefined hours, blurred boundaries between private and personal, and a feel of co-dependency with the web, all of which eventually lead to burnout.

The solution? My guess is learning to step back and create boundaries. Define your hours, set limits, get out of the house, remember the people in your actual life (even if you know lovely people on the web).



If you’re like me, take all these posts to heart and remember to strive for balance before heading out for the next round of online sales. Remember to take the sales off the web and find craft fairs (my current project).
Yup, that’s all I’ve got by way of answers. And they all boil down to the very simple notion of Balance.

the new year and blogging writer’s block

If I were the type that ascribed to new age philosophies, I would have to say that there must be something in the stars.

Hold on… wait… oh yeah, I am a new age ascribing kinda girl… So there really must be something in the stars because it seems like the blogging writer’s block is everywhere I turn. I mean, I read a lot of blogs and every time I turn around lately, it seems like someone out there in blogland is talking about not having much to say or questioning which direction they want to go with their blog.

And yet only a few weeks ago, my google reader account was overwhelmed with an influx of posting. So much so that I just couldn’t keep up. Was it the holiday rush? Or the end of the year blogging countdown, review of 2009, sharing of holiday inspiration, or was it something else? Perhaps we are all just experiencing a momentary post holiday slump?

Or crashing from the holiday sugar rush?

Don’t get me wrong, some of us out here on the wide world web of Internet land (yes, I rearranged the words on purpose) are feeling the inspiration. Perhaps we are just on opposite ends of the biorhythm chart?

Or perhaps those inspired writers are just not living in the colder climes I inhabit?

Whatever it is, I too am experiencing the post new year’s lull. Instead of blogging, I’m reading, or knitting. I am in hibernation mode and my energy is focused inwards at the moment while I work through some personal re-evaluations. Perhaps a few more days of introspection are all that’s needed before inspiration strikes again? Who knows. Suffice to say, I’ll be back.

Image credit: clip art for Microsoft Works

random-nata

Life is all over the place right now. So is this post!

I'm learning sign language (bits and pieces) while working a deaf student that I tutor. It's pretty intense because I can't move my fingers and hands quickly or smoothly enough. And as my student likes to point out, my facial expressions suck. Who knew that lil miss expressive would be told that in life? The problem... I'm concentrating so hard on getting the gestures that I can't even begin to pay attention to what my face does... and it ain't pretty my friends!

Paul and I are purging, re-organizing, and re-vamping the condo. So far the process has been good, if not a bit slow going. Both the office and living room are about just over halfway done... we just need to figure out what to put where and a system for using all this new space effectively. Who knew that I'd be so scrupulously attentive to organization one day? What can I say, lately life is just full of surprises.

So of course I'm in organization mode, which led to the same process occuring at work today. My office is now revamped and re-arranged. And my desk, well my desk feels like it just gained like a mile of space... no exaggeration!  :)

In other news, I'm starting to get ready for winter but oddly enough winter doesn't seem to be on its merry little way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Oh no, not complaining at all. The mild weather has been fab-fricking-fantastic! Nary a drop of snow in sight and it's nearing the end of November. Side note: it never ceases to amaze me how weather out here is an actual topic of conversation. No really, a real topic of conversation. Not just superficial small talk kind of conversation. People will talk about it for ages, complain, rant, rage, long, wish, dream, fume, praise the weather, myself now included. I guess when the weather is predominantly rain, as it is out on the west coast of BC, there isn't all that much to be said. But when you actually have 4 seasons (with all the joy and misery that come with them), there's a whole hell of a lot to say!

In other news, I'm finishing up the last details of my gift package for blogging by mail , which needs to be sent out by Friday the latest... Finding "calgon take me away" goods for someone halfway across the world is fairly daunting to me. I mean... a book, well what if they've read it? It's not like they can exchange it... What about DVD of fav movie? Then I wonder if it will be able to be played, etc, etc, etc...

Crafts ideas are in the works... but also somewhat on hold because of aforementioned re-organization. Slowly folding my way through 1001 origami cranes in order to make a crane garland.

Garlands normally look like this (done vertically):

photo credit: Cat Dancing flickr

But I want a chain that looks more like these doves done horizontally:

photo credit: Ten Thousand Villages

I think I'd prefer the cranes closer together and I plan on putting a bead (something shiny) between the birds. After that, I have a plan that includes lacquer, cranes, and bookmarks...

Yeah... I think that's it for now... like I said, things are a bit random on my end!

Birth control, abortion, and freedom of speech

Abortion: whether you’re for or against it is up to you. However, I strongly believe that regardless of your particular stance, legally individuals do not have the right to dictate to others they can or cannot do and this is what makes our society great. You may not agree with abortion but if you believe that you should have the right to renounce abortion as a viable choice then you should also believe that another has the right to promote abortion as a choice that every individual has the right to make.


I know there is an entire debate about the foetus’ right to life but for now, I’m going to save it for another day and another post. Whether you believe that abortion is right or wrong isn’t what concerns me most in the debate. What concerns me is whether or not you believe in freedom of speech and the rights of the individual because for me this is what the abortion debate boils down to at its core. I live in a society that is founded upon the idea of collectively agreeing to allow the person next to us, who we may not even like or agree with, to voice her/his opinion and to live according to their own moral conscience (within the confines of what we as a society agree to). Of course there are days when this collective agreement chaffs (hello, j-walking ticket for crossing on a green light with no traffic, yeah, I’m talking about you) but for the most part the rules are relatively benign and tolerable, and even for the greater good.

You may be a conservative supporter of the Harper government, which yes, makes me grind my teeth in frustration, but I respect your right to that choice. I may debate it with you or fail to ever fully understand it, hell I may even lose a bit of respect for you if we’re being honest, but I believe whole-heartedly that it is your right to hold that opinion and I would go to bat for you in order to support your right to express a view different than my own. (Yeah yeah, I’m a liberal leftie, big shocker there). You might love the Transformers movie, rap, not recycle, and think the arts are a waste of time: all of which I would argue with you about but ultimately accept. You might even believe in capital punishment and while I’m not entirely convinced of this path, I will respect your belief in the system and strive to understand the logic behind your belief. You might stand up on a podium and denounce everything I believe in and hold dear, and yet I would fight to defend your right to do so without fear of legal or personal consequences.

So why then is the same tolerance not given in regards to abortion? If you don’t believe in abortion then so be it. In fact, I’m not completely insensitive to some of the better arguments given in defence of the right to life movement. However, I become infuriated when someone actually believes they have the right, nay the moral superiority, to change the laws and impose their position on someone else, thereby forcing them to adhere to their belief system. If you believe in freedom of speech, religion, and lifestyle, then why is it ok to throw those things out the window when someone chooses a path that differs from your own?

News flash:

Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom to speak as long as you say what I want to hear.

So what has prompted this little tirade you ask?

This article from Pandagon which discusses a particular group’s efforts to ban birth control, morning after pills and abortions. Not only is having 12 children (which is a very likely consequence of not using birth control, given that most people have a hard enough time taking their pills and using condoms) ecological irresponsible, attempting to remove an individual’s right to select birth control in order to make an informed reproductive decision is morally reprehensive and a violation of the female’s and couple’s right to autonomy. As much as I want a child of my own one day, I do not believe that it is the only viable role out there for people.

People, I don’t get it! People from around the world struggle to come to Canada and the USA in order to have freedom of speech, religion, and lifestyle and yet some Canadians and Americans are actively attempting to destroy that freedom. So you don’t share my beliefs, they’re not harming you. You don’t have to teach them to your children. You don’t have to live your life according to my moral strictures. But what you do have to do, what you agree to every day as a Canadian or American, is that I have the right to speak my mind and live my life free of persecution. And that is what you should be teaching your children. A little tolerance goes really long way…

Dear Diary: a lifetime of angst recorded for posterity…

A recent visit to a blog that I enjoy reading made me start thinking about all the old journals I’ve written and kept over the years (added note of irony: I have the exact same diary that she features on her blog as one of my earliest journals!). As much as I’d like to claim that my journals are magnificent social commentaries and works of auto-biographical merit, they’re not. In fact, most of them are purely self-indulgent angst that I’d be embarrassed to share with the world. There will be no great posthumous biography complied from my diaries. I am no Samuel Pepys who recorded the minute historical details of his society, nor any other more modern (Elizabeth Gilbert or other), witty version that I would actually enjoy reading or sharing. No, my diaries belong to a more painful, self-confessional group of writers: http://salonofshame.com/ . (As a side note, I think this would be a fabulously entertaining night out if done right! Maybe Montreal needs its own version—if it doesn’t already have one?)

From boy angst, to rage against my parents, to venting and self-pity, my journals, although somewhat of entertaining stroll through memory lane, will never make it into book form.

So why then do I keep them? Do I secretly enjoy re-living my moments of angst or feeling like I’ve come so far from that time? Or is it a perverse sense of history that needs to be remembered to that drives me to keep these books? And if I’ve been blogging on and off since 2004, what is the point of keeping another record aside from the public blog record?

Maybe the fact is that there is something so mundane yet personal that goes into my journal writing that I don’t really want to part with. Inasmuch as the entries are trite, they serve as a reminder of the hard times I’ve survived, over-dramatized, or the evolution of my self that I want to remember because memory is so fallible in the end. Perhaps those entries about that jerk that I had a crush on in the 8th grade but always teased me isn’t really something I need to remember but my personal record of my travels through India (the highs and lows that I wouldn’t necessarily record publicly) and the adventures to Europe at 18, before I was internet savvy, are all things that I want to look back on at 80 and laugh over.

To be honest, the questions that I ask myself in diary land are very different than what I write on my blog. Despite the practice of self-disclosure in the great blogosphere, the division between public and private does need to be maintained and keeping the record of my past joys and woes, trivial though most of it may be, is something that I cherish. Beyond being able to go back and remember those moments that I’ve forgotten, my journals will never be more than dust collectors (and ones I probably wouldn’t want my children to read after my death—god forbid that they come across my entries detailing the acid trips or awkward moments of sexual exploration of my adolescence!)

So yes, when I die I would like my journals to be burnt with me! They aren’t something that I see as needing to share with my family in order for them to know me better. Some of my entries are either too painfully earnest or bitter for me to want them to read whereas some of just so mundane that I can’t imagine them ever wanting to read them. But perhaps, this particular reminder will prompt me to go back and spend a little time remember who I was then, which is small joy that keeping all these little incriminating books of personal self-pity and angst allows me from time to time.

Creating travel guide booklets for wedding guests

I'm currently working on a special project for my wedding guests: Personalized guide books for Montreal. Above is a guided walking tour of Parc Lafontaine and surrounding areas and below are Montreal brunch suggestions. The process is slow going. I had originally made one by hand for one couple, but realized that I would save more time if I did it on the computer. So here I am, trying to learn how to create a booklet in Publisher so that I can make the booklet once for all of my lovely out of town guests! Here's hoping that it'll work out!

Any Montrealers out there who have suggestions of things to do that I should add to the book, feel free to let me know!

If I can figure out how to upload the entire booklet online when I get it done, I'll be sure to do so.

indian travels

Because I was finally able to log into my old livejournal account for the first time in months...crap, I've been blogging longer than I remembered... and I don't want to forget these memories live from India:

2/22/07 09:12 am - Homeward bound


So after many adventures, I bid adieu to India tonight. I just returned to Delhi and am exhausted. The past few days have been a whirlwind of adventures.

I'm actually really sad to be leaving. To be honest, I feel like I was just starting to get to know India and now I'm leaving.

While in Udaipur, the guy that gave me the ride to the Ranakpur temple introduced me to his friends, and I spent the past 2 days hanging out with a random collection of his friends, all male, but super friendly and lovely. Went on a series of wild motorbike ride adventures, and trust me, when I mean adventures, I mean, 3 people on one bike, in traffic! And Indian traffic is NOTHING like Canadian traffic!!! Picnics in the country, parties in a restaurant. It was great fun. But it was great, even though I was oddly surrounded by about 15 men, I had a blast. And I got to see sides of India that I was able to see just as a tourist. So it was great. Yesterday I went to a picnic in the country, and when I had to leave to catch my train I was told that it sucks that I'm leaving so soon.

After Agra I was really looking forward to coming home, and I still am, but less than I was before. Don't want the adventures to end, or to have to return to reality again. And I definitely want to return to see the rest of Rajasthan and southern India.

Current Location: New Delhi

2/20/07 11:37 am - Udaipur

In Udaipur, having a good time. Relaxing. Thought that I'd go for a massage, but it looks like not. Went to Ranakpur yesterday, which was 2 hour drive through the country. It was beautiful. In Ranakpur there is an old Jain temple, which was nice, but the country drive was by far the best part of the trip. I love how even the poorest of women wear the brightest most beautiful sarees. It's something to behold, the desert landscape and women carrying baskets on their heads with bright blue, pink, green, orange and yellow dresses. I wish that I could have taken a picture, but alas, no such luck.

Actually I did something that was a bit crazy yesterday. I met this guy who after chatting for an hour, offered to drive me out to Ranakpur if I paid the gas. Now, of course my main thought was, ok, that's not really a good idea. But I took a chance and took him up on his offer. I know, I'd never have done that at home, and I could have gotten hurt... etc, etc... but here I am, safe and sound, and I had a lovely ride through the country for it. Actually I kept thinking of that line "I've always relied on the kindness of strangers..." from the movie " A streetcar named desire." I feel like that that line has been a theme for my adventures in India. In almost every city I've been in, there has been one person that has offered to take me somewhere, be it a tourist site that I can't go to alone as a woman, or a silk factory, or a private tour through the largest Sikh temple in Delhi... Each time that I've ventured out of the prescribed behaviour and decided to trust someone that I hardly know, I've been pleasantly surprised by the new side of India that I've discovered. In fact, more so than anything else, it's been these "risky" adventures that have made my trip. Crazy. The scams and touts, and attention I get here can be very tiring, but as I've said before, I think that travelling alone has also created opportunities that otherwise wouldn't have existed. All in all, I find the people here incredibly friendly and welcoming. Even if I am somewhat of a curiousity!

It's funny, I keep asking these people that go out of their way for me, why they're doing this, and the answer is always the same: Money isn't everything. You have to take time to live life and experience new things. Us talking and hanging out means practicing English, showing you things that you haven't seen so that you see the real India, and gives me the opportunity to meet a new friend. That has been the same answer I've been given by 5 different people. It's very intriguing. All I can say back is that in Canada it would be very unlikely that anyone would be so friendly and accomodating. Which is not to say that people are rude in Canada, but I don't know, it's just not anywhere near the same. Now of course, I'm not stupid, I also am aware that it is almost always men that offer these invitations, and that there is a veiled romantic interest behind some of these gestures. But with my trusty husband lurking in the background, most of that attention is neutralized and overt displays of intention are always avoided.

I was originally going to take a tour bus to Ranakpur, but when I got to the tourist bureau I was actually told that it's currently the off season. Yeah, I'm a bit surprised, but apparently the prime season is from Oct to Jan. If I just missed the rush, I can't even imagine what the peak season must be like!

Off to finish my souvenir shopping today. Where I'm going to put these souvenir, damn if I know! But somehow I'll find a way. I think I might be leaving some old things behind! Didn't really need that towel, or that grey t-shirt!

Udaipur is very quiet in comparison to everywhere else I've been, but it's relaxing. I'm enjoying the down time. Anyways... a shopping I will go!

Current Location: Udaipur

2/18/07 12:06 pm - Elephants, camels, and monkeys

Wow, I have to say that there are more of you out there reading this than I expected. Thanks for the feedback.


Latest photos.... (omitted... see original blog: http://zephyr12.livejournal.com/)

Elephants at Amber Palace in Jaipur.

Snake charmers:

Random woman in Amber, Jaipur. I just thought it looked pretty!

You might not get the effect, but this room is covered in mirrors, it was really beautiful actually. Also in Amber, Jaipur. Apparently it's even better in candlelight.

Moving on to camels:

I actually saw a camel with patterns similar to the flowers on the elephant trunk above shaved into the camel's behind... All I could think was: "Alice the camel has a shaved butt..." Didn't get a picture unfortunately as we were driving by it. It just seemed random to shave a pattern in the camel's backside when it's pulling stuff...

Next up, monkeys!

I went to a Monkey Temple in Jaipur, but it was full of people for some festival, so I didn't get to spend any quality time with the monkeys. In fact, I sort of ended up feeling like a circus monkey myself with all the hellos, hi, namaste, namaskar, and random handshaking going on. It was funny because one woman reached out to shake my hand, which was surprising because it was the first time that an adult female shook my hand, and she started giggling after she did it. Something tells me that it was her first handshake with a white woman. What do you think?

So all these people were there doing puja in these baths, men in one, women in another. Here's one:

Next I went to this fort called Jaigarh, it was pretty spectacular actually. It was in the middle of this barren landscape, totally remote. It felt like I was all alone in silence, and then there was this amazing garden with the following view:

The picture doesn't do it justice. It was probably the most beautiful place I've been to in India. I can't even begin to describe how fantastic it was. You needed to experience the solitude in order to feel how this garden was this oasis in the midst of nowhere.

Final visit was Nahargarh fort. The fort wasn't as thrilling to me as Jaigarh was, but the painting done throughout the building was intriguing.

So that was it. I decided to head to Udaipur after all. Shopping be dammed, I don't have any room left in my bag anyways. Think that I'm going to have to buy a 2nd bag. That or get rid of some stuff, or mail things home. Not sure which choice I'll take. In Udaipur now, and am glad that I made the decision to come, it's very beautiful here and I'm just going to take the time to relax. Read, medidate, try some yoga and a massage.

Current Location: Udaipur

2/15/07 10:44 pm - New photos

Ok, 5 pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Varanasi, take 1:

Varanasi, 2:

The Taj Mahal, Agra (partial view)


Marya, at the Baby Taj, Agra (detail carvings... might be sideways due to technical difficulties?)

Hawamahal, Jaipur (visited today, Feb 15th)

Current Location: Jaipur

2/15/07 05:15 pm - Rajasthan

Ok, I think it's official. Jaipur is my favourite city to date! I love it so much I might just stay here for the rest of my trip. Rajasthan (an Indian state) is beautiful and clean (almost on par with Montreal) and my hotel is amazing. The owner came and picked me up personally, is super nice and his hotel is beautiful. I'll take pictures and try to post them later. My room is super cheap so not much to write about, but the restaurant and hotel in general are lavish and exotic. Might try to splurge and upgrade. If I went to Udaipur I'd be paying double what I pay right now, so I figure if I go up 1/4, I'm still paying less. Then I'd have a room to write about.

And the shopping... let's just say that I'm going to need a bigger box! (or suitcase for those who don't get that!)

The surrounding landscape is fantastic, the people are fine, not as bad as Agra and Delhi, but more children begging. But did I mention the shopping? I'm drooling. I mean, do I want 1 pair of sandals or 10? Ok, ok, 5...

And I finally found an appropriate gift for the boy to say thanks for taking care of the kitty. Thank god, it was starting to stress me. Somehow I didn't think silk would be his thing, you know?

Went wandering today, checked out the big central sites. Very lovely. And there's so much more that I want to see, around Jaipur, in Jaipur, etc. I should have just come to Rajasthan I think. Like it so much more than anything else I've seen so far. It feels like what I expected India to be. Anyways, tonight I'm headed to see a Bollywood flick, all in Hindi, so I'll have NO CLUE what's being said. 3 hours of not knowing... We'll see if I make it that long.

Apologies for my last Agra post, I really didn't like Agra, wanted to leave sooner and should have. One day was more than enough. Suffice to say that I'm feeling much more positive and really enjoying myself here. Body weary again from walking, but in a good way.

Met this guy from Slovackia (sp?) who is going to see some tigers... thought I might join him, but I might have missed my ride while wandering the city. Alas, what can you do? That's fine, tigers weren't really big on my list of things to do anyways. It would have been nice to have some company and have seen more of the countryside, but I think that given all the things that I want to see in this region, I should be able to check scenic country views off the list! Tomorrow I'm going to try to head to a Monkey temple and see a puppet show at night. Should be interesting. And I have to find out if my hotel can actually accommodate me for another few nights. We'll see.

So my ATM card doesn't work in India and most places don't take credit cards, or if they do, you have to be careful! Go figure. So I had to withdraw cash from my credit card today from Thomas Cook travel. Thankfully they do so, otherwise I'm on my last few dollars from the travellers cheques. Maybe that was part of the reason that I hated Agra so much, money stress. It was really complicated to get travellers cheques cashed there and when you found a place they charged way too much. I literally cashed enough to get out of town!

Trying to think what else to share. The train was late again, by 5 hours. Seems to be the norm. Though listening to the loudspeakers, I have to say that I've heard 6-8 hours being listed as delays. How a train gets delayed that much puzzles me, but who am I to question Indian trains!

With that, I'll sign off. I have nothing that exciting to report, except for that things are going better and that if you had to stay somewhere in Jaipur I'd recommend where I'm staying hands down. It's pretty sweet, even by Canadian standards!

Current Location: Jaipur

2/13/07 04:47 pm

So I think that the norm for my India travels is a combination of loving and loathing each destination in question.

The Taj Mahal was anti-climatic and cost me 20$ to see... soooo not worth it, especially considering that it started pouring while I was there. Given all the monuments I've now seen, it was really just a bigger version of things I'd seen before, for much less! So it really felt like a rip off actually. But whatever, I've seen it.

The rickshaw drivers in Agra are really something else. They just don't take no as an answer. I've ended up yelling at them to leave me alone. That's how bad some of them are. It's really frustrating. All in all, Agra is not my favourite place.

However, that said, the Red Fort here is lovely, I had a really funny rickshaw driver yesterday, and my hotel is the best I've stayed at so far. So there are positives. The really hot shower, the first I've had since arriving in India, I think takes the prize! I feel clean for once in my life... Using a squat toilet for.... is the true low point!

I leave first thing tomorrow morning and I'm happy to go.

I think that all of the hassling: buy a postcard, a snowglobe, a richshaw ride, an auto-rickshaw ride, have a cup of chai with me, see lovely jewelry, marble... etc, etc... Chocolate, rupee, money, food, please, 1 rupee... it's just starting to wear me down. I feel like my whiteness marks me as a target. Or just my foreign status... I feel like I'm being expected to be this rich donator, or person to scam because there is this perception that I have money... and I don't, not really. I feel like on some level I'm being held to this standard of accountability, or this idea of wealth that doesn't really exist for me. Now granted by comparison, I am wealthy, but I hate saying it but I feel like as a foreigner I'm expected to pay, I'm expected to remedy the situation for the people approaching me. And as awful as it sounds it's starting to anger me because I look at the way that these people that expect this of me are treating each other and at times I'm horrified.

Maybe it's just Agra. But I saw a kid left to wander the streets full of traffic be hit by an auto-rickshaw driver, when the kid wasn't paying attention and walked into the rickshaw, and then have the family freak out on the driver for being a bad driver... never mind being a bad parent! I've seen dogs with legs broken in the middle of the road with people walking by it while it howls, and they're completely indifferent. Did you know that cows will eat garbage? Or that a sadhu, this holy wandering hermit of sorts, will yell a dog and her puppies, spit on them and throw rocks, and then ask for money from me. Parents that wack their children, hard, in public, shit in the street, piss, spit. Traffic so backed up and crazy that it's frightening! I would NEVER drive here! But I don't know, it's not just Agra, but I think that Agra has become the point where my tolerance has been pushed to its limits. You know?

Don't get me wrong, there are things that I'm loving. How friendly people can be, how helpfully (when wary of the scam), how interesting the culture is, the architecture, the way of life. I could never live in a city here, it's pure madness. But on the other hand, the beauty of the landscape is fantastic, and the places where you find tranquility, precious and magnificent. Maybe it's the contrast, maybe it's just the location itself. I don't know, but they can really be something else.

People say you either love or hate India. I can't say it's one or the other. I think my experience would have been very different had I come with another woman, or more so if I'd come with a man. Being alone has at times afforded me the opportunity to sit down with a local over a chai and get to know more about the culture or city. Overall, what strikes me the most is really the gap between rich and poor, and the indifference to it that is exemplified at all levels. It's really something else! I suppose it's understandable, I'm working on the premise of being indifferent in order to get by.

If I ever came back again, I think that I'd go south, or north to the mountains, and stay in villages. Indian city life is a bit too intense for me. People say that it's real, or raw, and I guess that I agree. But in a way that's not so positive as they tend to spin it. I feel like the rawness is there, but only because there are so many people and an inability to support it within the infrastructure. I guess that despite it all, as much as I have loved parts of my trip, India really makes me feel like I'm part of the problem. What we have is not the norm and our glass palace will have to shatter sooner or later, because places like India are bursting at the seams. I'll end my diatribe before launching into a full out rant.

Anyways... don't know if this sounds too negative, but really it's what I've been pondering while here.

Current Location: Agra

2/10/07 12:40 am - last day in Varanasi

It's pouring! Torrential downpours pouring! And I went on a rip roaring motorcycle ride in the rain to visit a silk factory. I saw silk being made by machines, and by hand, and bought some pretty things! It was fun. I'm drenched and will be leaving the city in a few hours, but it's definitely ending on a good note, even despite the rain!

Yesterday I went to Sarnath, saw where Buddha gave his very first sermon... It was a bit underwhelming actually. But I had a bicycle rickshaw ride, which was nice. Very cool as I could see everyone and everything. Had conversations with people on other rickshaws, waved at kids, felt very much like a memsahib! Which was somewhat disturbing. Not sure that I like feeling like the rich lady with the servant... will probably stick to auto-rickshaws from here on in. But I did it once and it was an experience.

That's it for now. Going to have a cup of chai.

Current Location: Varanasi

2/7/07 10:05 am - Live from Varanasi (aka: Benares)

Arrived in Varanasi today. Survived a very long train trip and learned that Indian trains don't identify the station. The only reason that I was sure that I was at my stop was because the people sitting with me were also getting off at Varanasi. Hopefully I will be so lucky in future rail experiences!

I don't even know where to begin since my last post. I've been so busy that I literally crawl into bed each night physically exhausted. Which despite how it sounds, is a good thing!

My last days in Delhi were full, saw pretty much everything that I wanted to see and then some. Hung out with this guy that offered to be my tour guide, free of charge... I bought him dinner as payment. Which meant that I was able to experience some local culture and go places that a girl alone can't go (namely to the top of this tower that gives a great view of the city). The next day I started off alone, and ended up with a driver that drove me all over and then gave me a personal tour of the famous Sikh temple. While also taking me to a bunch of shops. The drivers all get a pay-off if they bring in tourists, even if they don't buy. So I went to 3 and he earned 300 rupees. The same happened the next day, but I managed to get a free ride for agreeing to go to various shops for him. Hell, they make more money off of that than the actual fare. And all I have to do is say no, just looking. Well actually it's a bit more complicated than that, they are very good at what they do, the salespeople here. It's hard to say no, and put up an argument that they don't try to undo... but I stood strong!

Varanasi is proving to be an interesting city. It's a dirty maze. Literally covered in cow shit! Oh yes, I'm serious. And it's super easy to get lost because it's a crazy web of side alleys in the Old city. Crazy. But the people are surprisingly nice, and I don't feel as harrassed by them in terms of the sales, or sexual innuendo. In fact, for the most part the people here have been lovely and helpful. Now if only I could say the same about the Ganges and the burning ghats (where they cremate their dead). It doesn't smell as bad as I thought it would, there is that! I really thought that human flesh would be an awful smell... but it's on par with bbq... with more smoke? Ok, maybe not bbq (no smell of sauce and I don't want to eat!)

Oddly enough the drug scene here is pretty pronounced. I've been offered hash at least 3 times. Totally taken aback by that, but whatever. No way in hell am I repeating Amsterdam!

There's some sadhu festival going on right now, so there's a random collection of gurus, men covered in ashes, naked, etc walking around the place or hanging out in make-shift tents. It's interesting.

Going to explore the city tomorrow, try to see some temples, then take a ride on the river. I actually think that I might have over-estimated the amount of time I need here in Varanasi, but my train ticket out is booked, so I'll just take it easy for a couple of days. Go on a sweets tour, watch them make fabric and carpets, and try to go to Sarnath, which is where the Buddha went after attaining enlightenment. It's only 8km away, so totally do-able!

All this to say that despite the ups and downs, I'm enjoying my stay immensely. The poverty is very pronounced, but oddly enough, not as bad as I thought it would be. I think it's because it's sometimes hard to distinguish between abject poverty, poverty and existing here. The line doesn't seem to be clear. Moreover, for some reason, even though it's in your face all of the time, it's easy to ignore. Maybe because it's just everywhere that you become desensitized? The standard of living is so different. I'm staying in hotels that I would considered dumps back home and wouldn't dare spend the night in, but am quickly coming to see that by the majority of Indian standards, they are perfectly decent accomodations. Crazy!

Anyways, going to sign off, have a cup of chai, relax and read a book. Woo hoo!

Current Location: Varanasi

2/6/07 10:05 pm - Pictures from my first day in Delhi

Don't worry, it's just a selection!

First stop: Qutb Minar


The colours aren't great, because ironically, it was too bright!

More of the Qutb

Inside the ruins:


Next: Lodi Gardens (also known as lover's lane... ok, not really but it might as well be.


More photos to follow later. It takes a long time to upload them, so when I'm less tired!

Current Location: Delhi

2/4/07 06:10 pm - What to say about my first day in India?

OY?

Got in last night, took 2 hours to get out of the airport. My ride was still there, thankfully. Trip into town was fine until we hit the Paharganj distinct. I honestly felt like I was being driven into a slum. I had a moment of panic that I was about to be scammed, or worse, left at the mercy of my cab driver! But we arrived, and it was fine. Saw a dog and a cow eating trash in the middle of the road, lanes are completely optional here, shanty shacks on the main drag, a woman walking in the middle of the street talking to herself (not that different than Mtl!), and my cab driver harrassed me into giving him a larger tip. And my hotel room is dirty. The real highlight of my evening was experiencing my first "Eve teasing." This guy in the car next to me was staring at me so intensely that it was not only unsettling in its letcherousness, but also in the idea of road safety. I felt like he was going to drive into my taxi and run me off the road. But on the positive side, no cochroaches or bed bugs (yet!) Whatever, as long as I don't know about them, I'm prepared to co-habitate in ignorance. Yeah, so on the cab ride into the city I went from feeling like ok, this is it, it's ok, I'm ok to crawling into bed thinking what have I done!?

Got up at noon today, wandered through the area I'm staying, not as slum like in the day!, was less slummy in feel, thank goodness! Went for breakfast (lunch) at this place that was recommended by my guidebook in this area. Watched 2 cochroaches run across the floor. Little to medium sized. And I still ate a croissant and had tea. Figure I might as well get used to them!

I have to say that it's been an interesting day. Again I've fluctuated from feeling like I can't handle this to feeling like no, I'm good, this is fun. I'm constantly being approached, everywhere, by men, always. And everyone is trying to sell you something it seems. There have been a couple of genuine exceptions, but as a rule it's always the same. If it's not to sell you something from their store, or try to harrass you into taking a cab ride, or trying to accompany you into a store so that they get a commision on anything you buy, then it's to look you up and down. It's very tiring! But some are better than others at taking the no. Everyone asks me where I'm from, and they all have friends in Canada.

The last one commented on the fact that I was smiling and seemed happy (I was, because the last "scam" had been very forthright and good natured and we'd had a pleasant conversation). So this one asks me again, where am I from, and when I say Montreal, he asks if I speak French, when I say yes, he asks me if I can translate a letter that a friend sent him. Sometimes it's easier to say yes, so I did figuring it was harmless. Oh no, I went into his shop only to find myself reading a personal recommendation about travel tours. Then was told that my plans weren't going to afford me the time or ability to see various things. I said yes, I know, but what can you do, India's a big place and there's no way I can see all of it. And I've booked my train tickets, so I'm set. Then I'm told that my tickets can be cancelled, etc, etc, etc... So finally I get out and a guy who'd tried earlier tried again. Telling me that I need to be open to India and to trust, even though if he was in my shoes....

So I'm exhausted!

But on the positive side, I was approached by one guy who was very nice, sat and had tea with him and had a lovely conversation about Delhi. He didn't try to sell me anything, just wanted to chat and see what my impression of the city is thus far.

Oh, and I'm wearing a fake wedding ring... and everyone asks if I'm married, how old I am... but half don't ask my name! The most common response is why isn't my husband with me, I'd get harrassed less. Go figure!

Anyways, long post ends now. Going to seek food, in a hopefully hidden cochroach zone! :{

Then I think it's bed. I'm exhausted. Old Delhi is the plan for tomorrow.

Current Location: Delhi

2/3/07 11:37 am - Dubai

London: check!

Had a great time. Finally saw the Tower of London, Big Ben, etc, etc. Felt like I spent more than 2 days there, it was full of adventures. The weather was beautiful, 12 degrees to be exact. Felt like spring. Rode on a double decker (ok I've done that lots before...), drank wine in a wine cellar bar, very cool but not for the clausterphobic! Follow the link if you want to see what I mean:

http://www.gordonswinebar.com/

Helped the friend pull (pick up for us regular Cdn types) an interesting bloke! Drank way too much while I was there.

Saw the Phantom of the Opera, never seen that before. Check and done, more things off the list of things to do before....

Flew to Dubai with Emirates air, which is a pretty sweet airline. I mean, you're still squished like sardines, but the service wsa pretty sweet. Movies, games, great food... yeah, I was impressed. Which is strange to say, but so far, they've been the best airline that I've flown with.

Anyways, going to go check out the airport. Never been the only white girl (or one of the few) before. I'm both interestingly aware and not aware of it. Strange I know, but whatever.

Only 2 more hours until I leave for Delhi. Woo hoo! I'm soooo excited.

Elizabeth Gilbert: Inspiration, Creativity, and Sequels

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love is putting out a "sequel" of sorts in January 2010 called Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage (see NYTimes) and I have to admit that I'm looking forward to it.

I was originally skeptical about the Eat, Pray, Love hype (I'm a true pop culture cynic, what can I say) but picked it up last summer, read it, and loved it. Did it change my life? No. Did it speak to me? Yes. Am I going to follow the same path/search she did? No. However, I think she makes it clear in many of discussions about the book and her experiences, that this was never the intention. Fame being fame, of course people have tried to emulate her experience...

That said, the fact that her 2nd personal memoir book is coming out in Jan, months after my wedding, strikes me as fitting on a very personal level. I'm looking forward to processing my own post wedding sentiments and reading about her own thoughts at the same time. Will they be the same, probably not. But I'm looking forward to viewing the issue through her perspective because I find her writing to be quite inspirational and thought provoking (which is, in my opinion, a high compliment). In case you haven't seen in and are in need of a little inspiration on the nature of creativity, check out her TED presentation:

oh the places this blog is going....

i see you.... :)

Women for Women Sister

About a month or a month and a half ago I signed up with Women for Women and yesterday I finally received my package and the "sister' woman I'd been paired with. She's from Rwanda. I'm looking forward to seeing how the program progresses. But for now, I need to figure out what I'm going to write as an introductory letter. BAH: why is the letter writing process so stressful?

From behind the lens

I'm testing out contacts. Can't say that I'm currently a fan. They drive my eyes bonkers. I feel like I constantly have an eyelash in my eye. Yup, don't know if I'll be able to make the switch.

In other news, a publishing house contacted me about publishing my graduate thesis. Given that they haven't even read the work, I'm not too sure what to expect, but the publisher does seem to be legitimate and the offer sound should it actually go through. However, the choice to actually submit my thesis is fraught with several considerations:

• the thesis needs work before it's really ready to be published and am I ready to let it go out into the world just yet?
• what are the implications of giving over partial copyrights to the work if I ever decide to pursue the idea further?
• do I have the time and self-discipline to edit the work or do I really want to do the work and open those academic insecurities up for examination again?
• there is a whole debate about publishing before you're ready and it being detrimental to your career... would this be me doing that?

I secretly always envisioned reworking the thesis, expanding the idea, and trying to publish it, but I guess I always thought it would be my PhD topic when I was ready. And although the offer is sweet for a graduate level body of work, could the project ever be more? I think it could. I don't know if I'm the one to write it per se, but I think that the research field is fresh, relevant, and totally ready to be explored in the field of Indian literature/poetry. The fact that no one has done so already sort of surprises me.

the archive

entries from a long time ago but not to be forgotten:

http://zephyr12.livejournal.com/